FRIENDS? nah thanks

“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colors seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”_BOB Marley
oh god I couldn’t stop reading these words over and over and over AND over again.. I mean it  literally describes what i have been looking for ”before”.. yes, i said it ”before” i stopped looking for this kind of perfect-far-of-reality friends times ago, after i had been lied at, stabbed in the back , taken for granted oh and ignored for so many times to remember.

well I am not trying to sound pathetic or act like a drama queen or something, and it is not as sad as it sounds i will get to that later.

I, like so many of you, started to have tired as a ”personality trait” yeah welcome to this era, tired has a new different concept it  no longer means you need some rest it became a part of us, we wake up tired of our dreams.. tired of school: normal, tired of work: normal, tired of fake friends: NEW tired of drama: NEW  tired of being used: NEW tired of fake hopes: NEW  tired of pleasing people,tired of losing people, tired of meeting new people, tired of judgmental people. Just tired.. of life!! tired of breathing maybe!!

I am not an unhappy person i am just tired of the same routine and people and the bullshit they bring. it turned out that i am not that good in relationships i lack the skills of being able to interact with everyone like i do not care about everyone after all and i am not ready to fake that i care or fake some compliments ugh it’s just so unme (is that even a word!)

David Wallace once said “Lonely people tend, rather, to be lonely because they decline to bear the psychic costs of being around other humans. They are allergic to people. People affect them too strongly.

i always seem to care TOO much way too much  for people more than they would ever care for me at the begging i was like “it’s okay they need me, this is what are  friends for” but   then i wake up and i am empty I have nothing, i ended up with nothing.

”am i sick of it?” ” yes”

”do i hate it?” ” yes”

”am i sad about it?”  ”heck NO!”

”i don’t regret what i have done though .”

it might be a little bit unbelievable but i DID found happiness in loneliness .. weird right? you learn things in your loneliness things you’ve never noticed. you accept new facts about yourself, you have more time to think before judging! you do you, be you all the time. the thing about loneliness is you just master the art of silence  you start to listen to what you should have listened to before “the inner voice” inside of each one of us.

well okay loneliness suck but people hurt. you choose! can you adapt with loneliness better or pain? and being alone by your choice is better than setting with your friends and yet feel lonely i guess.

after all  Loneliness doesn’t scare me. it gives me time to grow stronger than i have ever been .tumblr_n2j10nDiBZ1ttiiogo1_500

 

 

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