I think I lost it!

I think I lost it, I can’t take it anymore, I can’t handle this situation, I’m really tired, grief-stricken and filled with sorrow, yesterday I had an anger attack, I cried a lot, I even smashed my cell phone, then I paused thinking of how lame I’m being, I was crying at my bed.. I thought that at least I still have a bed though I don’t use it anymore for sleeping, I still have a  family  to share my sadness and fears with, many had lost everything, their house, their family or even both.

I feel ashamed to complain about my suffering because it’s nothing compared to others, each story I hear, each picture I see, each cry I hear reminds me that I’m way better than others.

I’ve been trying to write an article since couple of days, but I couldn’t because I can’t put others’ suffering in words, as one of  the survival told me today, you will never understand it till it happens to you.

She’s from Kuzaa, she managed to get out 2 days ago.. ”the Israeli soldiers ordered us (herself and some other women) to grovel on the ground and then they started to shoot above our heads” she said bitterly, I looked in her eyes and I drowned in her ocean of anguish , ”I really wished to die then” she added ” there’s no word to describe what we have been through, then the Bastards told us that we can leave the town, we were scared that they will shoot us in the back, as they did before to some group of men and youth, many were killed that day , but they didn’t shoot us, we were running waiting for death but God protected us”

I opened my mouth but the words didn’t come out, tears in my eyes were killing me.. she interrupted my heartbreaking process by saying ” don’t worry we will rebuild Gaza again, and your children will play in the new Gaza, it’s going to be fine as long as God with us”

I smiled the saddest smile ever,  then I moved to see my grandmother, she looked very pale, each wrinkle of her face was telling a story of pain and anguish, her nieces are missing in kuzaa, all of her brothers and sisters become homeless, she is carrying a huge loads of worry on her weak shoulders.. I told her that she’s a strong women and she taught us how to be patient.. she should hold on and all this will be over soon.. both of us knew that I was lying.

I’m eagerly waiting for the day in which the world will say in one voice, we don’t want to fight anymore, no more wars, no more massacres, just a beautiful, filled of love and peace world for our children.

Please world, STOP WITH THE VIOLENCE, DOWN WITH HATE. Make it a better place for us and for the next generations.  

 

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One thought on “I think I lost it!

  1. May Allah protect you and be with you.. stay strong so that the word of truth will soon raise and win, and as that strong woman said “you will rebuild Gaza”, and then everything will be alright.. without any siege around the birders of Gaza.

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